[ really? they both know if he goes in that room, he's not coming back out.
still, vash shoves himself up out of his bed, kicks the covers off and gets up. he quietly walks the length of his room, opens his door and slips across the hall to wolfwood's, opening the door and slipping inside. it takes only a few seconds for the bed to dip and vash to slot himself under the thin blanket and up against wolfwood's back with a huff.]
[ he's not, and it's fine. once vash settles in, wolfwood reaches behind him and takes vash's arm, pulling it over his side to bring him closer. he leaves his hand there, sliding it down to his wrist. ]
[ vash wants to keep pouting, but he the corner of his mouth curls up in spite of himself.
he hooks his arm around wolfwood, presses up flush against his back to spoon him and nuzzles his nose against the nape of his neck, his fingers finding wolfwood's and lacing their hands together. ]
[ vash can't see it, but there's a softer smile on wolfwood's face when vash nuzzles him, pressing right up against his back. he's never really minded sharing the bed, even if vash has a tendency wind up sprawled all over him by the time he wakes; there's a comfort in his presence next to him, warm and alive, trusting that neither of them will be alone when they wake. it's a childish wish, one that he'd thought was beaten out of him, yet it still lingers.
but he closes his fingers around vash's, rubbing his thumb idly over his knuckles. ]
Dunno what's got you so worked up, but it's not a big deal where you wanna sleep, alright?
Dunno.. I guess I'm just not used to.. being attached to anybody else like this.
[ it's true that he and nai used to share beds and basically all their time together as kids, but it was different. there was an expectation that it would never change, that it was something fundamental and biological for them to be together. but it did, and it took vash a long time to get used to being on his own. but with wolfwood...
sometimes, he wakes up on his own after they fight for some dumb reason and he's terrified that if he goes into the next room, wolfwood won't be there. maybe it's the knowledge that vash will live for so long, that wolfwood is the one taking the bullets more often than not - even when vash wishes he wouldn't. he has nightmares now. not just about failing to save everyone but failing to save wolfwood.
the desolation vash knows he'll feel, if he ever loses him.
his hand squeezes wolfwood's, and vash buries his face in his dark hair, breathes in the scent of him. ]
When I can't see you or touch you, sometimes I just... get scared of losing this. Losing you.
[ he's never thought that either of them were meant to be attached, to anyone or anything. for different reasons, yes, but all paths converge to the same nebulous destination: vash runs and never stays long enough to put down his roots, and wolfwood destroys everything he touches. but maybe that's why they ended up like this, he thinks, because as loathe as he may be to admit it, vash understands. he's likely the only one who does. and that is a sobering thought in and of itself.
you can't long for something you've never had; can't crave for things you've never experienced. a dog doesn't crave blood until it has its first taste. a bird doesn't long for freedom if a cage is all it's known. but wolfwood knows now what it's like—to be seen, to be cared for; to feel whole again.
nothing good ever lasts. wolfwood knows he's on borrowed time. and if this is as good as he's ever going to get, then he'll take it. he's never marketed himself as a selfless man; patience may be a virtue, but not generosity. ]
I'm here now.
[ his thumb continues to brush over vash's knuckles in much the same way he would his lighter, a rhythmic back and forth. nothing in life is absolute; nothing is guaranteed. every day he puts one foot in front of the other is something of a blessing. so, too, is this: vash squeezing his hand, burying his face in his hair. ]
[ he presses a soft kiss to the back of wolfwood's neck, followed by another, and then another, letting his nose drag along the line of his spine. they're both here, they're both alive... and they get to be together. that's enough for now, isn't it?
his mouth trails along the shell of his ear, nipping at it playfully. ]
You can tell me if you need space. I just.. like being with you at night. Helps me sleep, to hear someone else breathing.
[ the kisses at his neck tickle, but it's not uncomfortable, his skin tingling beneath the gentle press of vash's lips. he's not used to this warm and easy affection, so gentle and intimate, but he thinks he can. if it's from vash, he could. ]
I don't mind you being here. [ even when they fight, wolfwood has never turned him away. and maybe he takes comfort in this too, the physical proof that vash is alive, despite how quick he is to put himself in harm's way. ] So stop trying to run from me.
wolfwood's words hit him like a sledgehammer right to the chest, and his breath catches in his throat sharply. his body stills. that's exactly what he's been trying to do, isn't it..? running away from wolfwood, finding reasons to think running away is the best option. it's not kind. it's not fair, either, when wolfwood is struggling just as much, putting himself at risk to be here with vash.
but then, vash has always known he's a coward. he just wishes he weren't, for wolfwood's sake. he deserves better than vash, hiding beneath layers of clothes and half smiles and bed sheets to avoid being bare with wolfwood, in ways more than skin-deep. ]
I want.. to be here with you. [ his voice is barely a whisper, but vash manages to choke it out. ] Every night. Even when you're mad at me for something.
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just come here already
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still, vash shoves himself up out of his bed, kicks the covers off and gets up. he quietly walks the length of his room, opens his door and slips across the hall to wolfwood's, opening the door and slipping inside. it takes only a few seconds for the bed to dip and vash to slot himself under the thin blanket and up against wolfwood's back with a huff.]
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he hooks his arm around wolfwood, presses up flush against his back to spoon him and nuzzles his nose against the nape of his neck, his fingers finding wolfwood's and lacing their hands together. ]
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but he closes his fingers around vash's, rubbing his thumb idly over his knuckles. ]
Dunno what's got you so worked up, but it's not a big deal where you wanna sleep, alright?
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[ it's true that he and nai used to share beds and basically all their time together as kids, but it was different. there was an expectation that it would never change, that it was something fundamental and biological for them to be together. but it did, and it took vash a long time to get used to being on his own. but with wolfwood...
sometimes, he wakes up on his own after they fight for some dumb reason and he's terrified that if he goes into the next room, wolfwood won't be there. maybe it's the knowledge that vash will live for so long, that wolfwood is the one taking the bullets more often than not - even when vash wishes he wouldn't. he has nightmares now. not just about failing to save everyone but failing to save wolfwood.
the desolation vash knows he'll feel, if he ever loses him.
his hand squeezes wolfwood's, and vash buries his face in his dark hair, breathes in the scent of him. ]
When I can't see you or touch you, sometimes I just... get scared of losing this. Losing you.
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you can't long for something you've never had; can't crave for things you've never experienced. a dog doesn't crave blood until it has its first taste. a bird doesn't long for freedom if a cage is all it's known. but wolfwood knows now what it's like—to be seen, to be cared for; to feel whole again.
nothing good ever lasts. wolfwood knows he's on borrowed time. and if this is as good as he's ever going to get, then he'll take it. he's never marketed himself as a selfless man; patience may be a virtue, but not generosity. ]
I'm here now.
[ his thumb continues to brush over vash's knuckles in much the same way he would his lighter, a rhythmic back and forth. nothing in life is absolute; nothing is guaranteed. every day he puts one foot in front of the other is something of a blessing. so, too, is this: vash squeezing his hand, burying his face in his hair. ]
I'm not going anywhere.
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[ he presses a soft kiss to the back of wolfwood's neck, followed by another, and then another, letting his nose drag along the line of his spine. they're both here, they're both alive... and they get to be together. that's enough for now, isn't it?
his mouth trails along the shell of his ear, nipping at it playfully. ]
You can tell me if you need space. I just.. like being with you at night. Helps me sleep, to hear someone else breathing.
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[ the kisses at his neck tickle, but it's not uncomfortable, his skin tingling beneath the gentle press of vash's lips. he's not used to this warm and easy affection, so gentle and intimate, but he thinks he can. if it's from vash, he could. ]
I don't mind you being here. [ even when they fight, wolfwood has never turned him away. and maybe he takes comfort in this too, the physical proof that vash is alive, despite how quick he is to put himself in harm's way. ] So stop trying to run from me.
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wolfwood's words hit him like a sledgehammer right to the chest, and his breath catches in his throat sharply. his body stills. that's exactly what he's been trying to do, isn't it..? running away from wolfwood, finding reasons to think running away is the best option. it's not kind. it's not fair, either, when wolfwood is struggling just as much, putting himself at risk to be here with vash.
but then, vash has always known he's a coward. he just wishes he weren't, for wolfwood's sake. he deserves better than vash, hiding beneath layers of clothes and half smiles and bed sheets to avoid being bare with wolfwood, in ways more than skin-deep. ]
I want.. to be here with you. [ his voice is barely a whisper, but vash manages to choke it out. ] Every night. Even when you're mad at me for something.